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My failed attempts to be some sort of Catholic... [19 Feb 2010|02:29pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So, things have been pretty weird for me since I finished school. Mainly, I moved back in with my parents, which is tough because while I appreciate the free room and board, food, and love that they give me....there are lots of restrictions and I kinda hate this town. Also, I STILL HAVEN'T SOLD MY APARTMENT so I'm paying $700 a month to not live in a shitty apartment in Boston. Where I had a job. I'm not sure if staying would have been better at this point, but it's very emotionally and financially draining.

I still don't have a job, and I have to say, I think I could be working harder on my job search. It has been forever since I've had a summer, and that's what this feels like to me. It's so easy to sit back and relax for the first time in a long while, especially since Joe is around without a job, having graduated early like myself. I go to Trivia every week, I laze around in the mornings and hang out with Joe in most of the evenings. I spent AN EXORBITANT amount of time on Livejournal. Which might seem hard to believe, if you looked at the last time I've actually POSTED, but it's true. I've joined ontd_startrek which is an AMAZING community. I've already met a lot of awesome people, learned things, shared hilarious macros and gifs and really just "hung out" with some chill people who dig Trek as much as I do. I check kirk_mccoy for new fanfiction at least twice a day, and am constantly re-reading fics I really liked, instead of writing anything of my own. (Or even reading the screenplay a friend asked me to look over IN NOVEMBER). My procrastination is seriously affecting my life. This is what I always do: I put all my eggs in one basket, I put things off until the need to do them is gone, the window closes, and I move on to procrastinating something else. I keep telling myself I'll change but I won't. I know that I won't. I spend hours and hours each day doing absolutely nothing productive AT ALL. Simple tasks get put off, and put off, and my parents come home and are visibly frustrated with me.

I am depressed a lot of the time, and I've been drinking a little more than I normally do. I cry because I'm lonely, and clingy, and everyone around me seems to be so happy while I'm so miserable. I want so badly to better myself but I just can't make myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm falling into a lazy but comfortable routine and soon I'll be stuck in this rut and twenty-seven and living with my parents still, doing nothing with my college education and throwing away all the big dreams I had. I want to lose weight, I want to quit smoking, I want to get a real job and not a shitty retail one. I want to move out and live somewhere that's my own own place. I want to visit Canada (and pipry23) and England and L.A. again, I want to go down to Florida to see my grandparents. I kept saying, "Once I'm done school, then I'll really get to do what I want," but all I'm doing is wasting my time and wasting my youth. This is the time in my life when I should be taking chances and being spontaneous and I'm just sitting on my ass. It's absolutely ridiculous.

The reason I'm writing about all of this here isn't just to get it off my chest. It's an explanation for my further absence: I'm giving up LJ for Lent. I think this is a good place to start. I'm not sure if it's something I want to cut from my life completely (I really all the amazing friends I've made here, and I love getting to learn about your lives through this medium) but this is a step I need to take. HOWEVER, I do not want to lose you guys! I'll still be on Twitter and Facebook and email so I hope you'll still communicate with me. I'm also quitting smoking by March 1st (at the latest). And I'm going to try to eat better, work out more, and drink less. And hopefully, with the absence of LJ for at LEAST forty(ish) days, I will accomplish the things that are on my To-Do list, and really start being better.

Is this too melodramatic? Probably. And feel free to comment (I get my comments emailed to me so I can read them without "relapsing.")

TL;DR: I'm giving up LJ for Lent. See y'all on Easter, probably.

5 comments|post comment

this is no time for proper capitilization [09 Dec 2009|01:23am]
I know I haven't posted in forever and this is the worst update possible, but I've got too much to say to fit in a tweet.

I just found "Time to Pretend" from MGMT on a tracklist I downloaded from a fucking fanmix (a kirk/bones one, it's totally sadly pathetic) and it sounded so familiar that I had to google what movie it was in. And it was in How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, that's why I remember it! But oh god, I can't stop listening to it. Just over and over again. I've already put it on my "Writing" playlist which, in terms of my music selection, is a pretty prestigious place to be. I bet all the other tracks are jealous of it.

But god, this song sounds like I've known it forever. I can't understand that it's not been on all the mixes I've made people, that I've never driven with my windows down in the cold at night, listening to this with the Britt, not singing along but just grinning our stupid faces off. It fits so squarely into my whole post-high school summer experience, that I can't understand how it's just entering my life right now. It makes me feel ways about stuff.

I know this post is over dramatic, and it's because I'm in an over dramatic mood. Before I got this song, i was listening to the mix CD pipry23 made me ages ago, which got me started on Wheatus and is filled with so many lovely musical bits. Practically all of it is on my "writing" playlist, which speaks AGES for its caliber.

I was grabbing some chapstick from my pocket this evening (stupid freezing cold Boston) and the music coupled with my activity made me ache, ache for a certain lip-ringed ever-Chapstick-applying idealistic little Christian from my youth. Y'all remember this idiot, right? A solid year (well, off and on for a LIFETIME) pining for him, and I know, I know he'd love this song and I'm too scared to share it with him because, though he promised me otherwise, things ARE different and we really aren't friends any longer. Which is never something I would have expected my senior year of high school. That a mere FOUR YEARS LATER (3.5, really, ms. graduating early) I wouldn't want to talk to him. That this time 2.5 years ago, we were sitting in the diner catching up, and he bought me Star Wars Transformers ("it's like your favorite two things combined!") and he knew the SECRET reason (him him him) I named my car Cohen, and we wrote each other sprawling notes on our graduation cards about how we'd always be friends, and how our lives couldn't be the same without each other ("you've been around the longest, kid, and you'll always be a part of this").

Did I tell you he's an atheist now? And I had to find out on Facebook. I couldn't help it, I indignantly messaged him "Since when?" and he responded with that cliched bullshit about how college had opened his eyes and gee, wasn't I just right all along about God and Jesus and all that? (which isn't even true, i told you if you'd bothered to listen that there's something else there) And dear god, it stung so hard and I couldn't stop the frustrated tears that welled up for a fleeting moment, and then I blinked them back and told myself that it didn't matter anyway. (he wouldn't have loved you and even if he had, would you have wanted it?) I tried to tell my dad, in so many words, how angry I was, how I was hurt by this, and angry that I was hurt by this, by his on-point rejection of me, even after all this time. I'm not sure he quite understood, but he was supportive and I have to appreciate that.

I knew this rambling bit of what not would turn out longer than I thought, I should be asleep and my life is going to change so drastically so soon, but I think that maybe I can take this song and lie on the hood of my car, look at the stars, and smoke cigarettes until everything is okay again.
2 comments|post comment

[14 Oct 2009|01:13am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I marched on Washington for EQUALITY. I also have many stories of debauchery, gay bars, gay sex, drinking, being soooo fucking tired, straight sex, actually CONNECTING with another human being while SOBER (i know, right!) and lots of amazing pictures of dinosaur skeletons and quirky signs and how Abraham Lincoln was gay. but I am so! very! tired! right now but if you ask me I will be glad to tell you. Eventually I will post pictures and the entire awesome story, because I really want this down for the record. I still kick myself for not detailing my meeting-Edgar-and-Matt-Stone-weekend in super detail, so I'm SO GONNA get this one down and upload all my awesome pictures.

Nag the crap out of me if you don't see this up by Friday kthx.

EDIT: The pictures are up on FACEBOOK and the details of my exploits will be up soon, I promise. But my parents are visiting this weekend and last thing I need is them looking over my shoulder while I type dirty things. Because oh, these stories will have dirty bits. I'll give those faint of heart a cut or warning or something.


7 comments|post comment

Covers [30 Sep 2009|06:42pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Inspired by a long conversation with a professor today (that went off track of Camp and Cult into a discussion about adult swim, Kevin Smith, Futurama, and finally Matt and Trey), I listened to some good ol' DVDA on the way home. They do a mean cover of Primus' Sgt. Baker, which made me think: Fuck, I love covers. I mean, I try to "collect" them, almost, in my search for both good and bad covers. I decided, since I have so many, that I'd make a list of some of my absolute favorites, and share them with you folk. (These are in no particular order).

Sgt. Baker - DVDA
Originally by: Primus

I figured this was a good place to start. It's a shitty copy because it's from a live concert (these fuckers couldn't be bothered to get in a studio; their album is cobbled together from South Park, Team America, and live songs from one of the like, two or three concerts they did), but they gave the song such an amazing, jazzy quality. A song about gays in the military (kinda?) sounds almost...funky. I remember how disappointed I was when I found the Primus song lacking so many of the things I loved about the DVDA cover. The hooky bass line, Trey's warbling solos, Matt's sexy "Yesssahhh"...so amazing! Although you have to give Primus credit for "Steers and queers, steers and queers / Where you come from there's just steers and queers / And you ain't got no horns, boy"

Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm
Originally by: Michael Jackson

After his death, it seems a little blasphemous to say, but I like this version better! It's also the first version I heard, when I was in middle school. Alien Ant Farm only had two songs that I knew, one being this cover, but shit if they weren't really good. This song was actually on the first CD I ever burned with songs from my computer. Maybe it's just because this song reminds me of the memories I have at dances in my middle school cafeteria, but I always dug this song. Not to cheapen the Michael Jackson version, because that is pretty awesome, and a little more haunting. This one just appealed more to the thirteen year-old me.

Crazy - Alanis Morissette
Originally by: Seal

Now I have to say, when I first heard that Alanis had covered one of my favorite Seal songs, I was pretty bummed. Because it really just seemed to come out of left field. It was when I was pretty unhappy with what she was doing with her music (Jagged Little Pill acoustic, really?) and I thought this would be another strange shitfest. I saw a bit of the weird video where she made herself look so overtly sexy, which was so unlike her. But when I truly gave this song a listen, I fell in love with it. Her voice is so amazing. The shouting behind the chorus in the Seal version is subtle, but she brings it to the foreground with such an intensity! She will always be one of my favorite musicians, always have such an intense and personal meaning to me, so I might be bias. I do love the Seal version, and hers is absolutely up to par with it. It's also worth mentioning that her cover of My Humps is hysterical, but not one of my favorites, so it's not on the list. You should check it out (and the video), though.

When You Were Mine - Cyndi Lauper
Originally by: Prince

I know you're probably thinking, "REN LOVES A COVER OF A PRINCE SONG BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL??" But I didn't say that. (Shhh don't tell prince). No, Prince's version is great, but since Cyndi actually released this first, I think it's okay to enjoy this version without feeling guilty, haha. One thing I've always liked about Cyndi Lauper is that she doesn't change gender pronouns when covering a song. I think that gives this love triangle song even more depth. The synth in this song is amazing, and it manages to stay upbeat while being incredibly depressing. I attribute this mostly to Cyndi's heartbreaking vocals. She sings so well about being hurt and being taken advantage of, it stings a little bit to listen to. At times she sounds close to tears, and that makes this a really amazing, powerful cover.

When You Were Mine - Tegan and Sara
Originally by: Prince

Yes, I have three different versions of this song. Hell, I'd love more. Tegan and Sara took this song and stripped it down to an angry guitar and some amazing harmonies. Their vocals are more raw than Cyndi (or Prince, for that matter), so they still lend some amazing emotion to the song. (How many times will I say 'amazing' during this post? A lot.) This version of the song is less like Prince's version, but I'm okay with that. When Cyndi sings it, she sounds victimized and hurt. Tegan and Sara sound pisssed the fuck off. It's a really great spin on an already great song. I like to think this is a cover of Cyndi's version, really. Either way, it definitely deserves to be on this list.

See the rest Under the cut...Collapse )

So yeah! Those are my favorite covers. Please, take them so you can enjoy them at your leisure! Spread 'em around! Let me know if any of the links are broken! And please, if you have any awesome covers of your own to share, leave 'em in the comments! I'm always on board for some new, exciting covers.

I know it's not a substantial life update, but music posts are fun. My life's kinda boring at the moment. But tomorrow's my birthday! I'ma be 22, dear god. I'm graduating in December. I am so not ready for this shit. I'm still immature and ridiculous. Guess everybody's gotta grow up sometime. But not tonight. Tonight I'm gonna listen to Wheatus and eat Doritos in bed and maybe get some work done if I really put my mind to it. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll grow up.

6 comments|post comment

An iTunes meme I stole from givethesignal [16 Sep 2009|11:24pm]
Stolen meme!Collapse )

Yeahhh memes. I'm gonna go schleepy times now because I'm slightly under the weather. Stupid allergies. More later!
1 comment|post comment

AAAUUUGGHHHH!!! [04 Sep 2009|02:45am]
[ mood | AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! ]


AUUUGGHHH EDGAR TALKED TO MEEEE. And it was kinda about sex, which makes it even better! He's one of the flirtiest people I've ever met (and I have met him, so ha ha!) I knew being up at 2:45 in the morning was going to work out for me. I was really just up trying to watch the damn episode of the Simpsons that's got Macca in it. Couldn't stream it anywheres, so figured I'd wait to download. I am so far behind on my Edgar info, I didn't even realize he HAD a twitter until a few days ago! This is the second time Edgar has responded to me on the intarwebs. I know this is basically insignificant, as he's like KSmith in that he likes twitter-replying people, but it still gives me a warm, gooey feeling. Makes me want to reacquaint myself with the Peggster forum gals with whom I used to swoon over Edgar. Le sigh. I really only stopped going on Peggster everyday because my username stopped working. Then randomly, it started again, but by that time I was so far gone that I kinda didn't feel like wading through back entries. I kinda wanna print out this twitter convo and staple it to my face. Is that weird?

Speaking of weird, had a weirdo dream about vampires, probably because I've been catching up on True Blood. It involved my best friend being a vampire (now there's a blast from the past, anyone remember that film?) and sexy times. And biting. All in all, rather disturbing. Sex dreams about my best friend are rare (I've had two or three, I think?) but extra disturbing, because I don't have feelings for him. This is what I'm telling myself. For the good of the colony, and oppressed ants everywhere. I do often have dreams where he saves me from falling off things to my death. That's not weird, right?

This entry was only supposed to be that image and me squealing. I'm gonna look at it a million more times before I go to sleep. I'm leaving for Boston soon, and I'll give y'all a long update once I get settled back into my domain.

7 comments|post comment

11 weeks! [09 Aug 2009|12:21pm]
My journal hasn't been updated in 11 weeks, LJ tells me. That's just sad. Let me quickly sum up this summer:

Internship, internship, internship. Logging tapes, copying movies, logging more tapes, logging transcripts, feeling crappy, but learning. Living with Chris and Becky. HATING HATING HATING WOMEN (especially her). Missing my friends, NO CELL PHONE RECEPTION, feeling crappy, two months missing TJ, waiting for his emails, hurt when he won't come visit. Going stir crazy, McDonald's and DVDs and every season of Friends. Lots of twitter. Lots. Abandoning secret word of the day, witnessing so much crazy, SO MUCH CRAZY from this woman trying to pressure my brother into marriage, hundreds, thousands of cigarettes, thousand of tapes to log. Hanging with Hadley, my somewhat mentor, bursts of crocheting, Little Caesar's pizza, feeling like high school again, jeans and t-shirts, jeans and t-shirts, seeing Cartoon Network, god damn Atlanta is SO SO HOT. Yearning for Boston, yearning for my shitty apartment (that's MINE), being able to eat, not catering to a much worse version of my mother. Wanting to call my friends, to go DO something, hearing stories of all my PA friends getting together, even the Britt coming down from Ohio, to hang out. FORGETTING THE BRITT'S BIRTHDAY (unforgivable) and feeling like the shittiest friend. Knowing once I get out of this hot, hot hellhole, everything will be okay. Last semester. Last chance.

That's basically it. Ready to get out of here for a little bit. Mom and Dad said they'll take me to the zoo when I get home. I love the zoo. I have to get my wisdom teeth out, though, sadly, which is very depressing. They're putting me under and I'm writing my will just to make sure. I'll feel safer.
3 comments|post comment

Short update [17 May 2009|08:12pm]
[ mood | blank ]

It has been entirely too long since I've posted an entry. I read other people's entries almost every day, but I'm too lazy to compose one for myself. After a certain amount of time, it feels like it's been too long, and then I'd have to tell everyone what I've done in the past few months, and that would take forever, and then I think "some other time..." and then I let more time pass, and more time, and more time. So yeah. Hope y'all didn't think I was dead or anything.

So basically, for right now at least, I'm gonna fill you in on what's happening right now: I'm done school for the summer. Thank God, that last semester kicked my ass, but I got all A minuses, so that's good. I got a summer internship at Turner Classic Movies, so I'm super, super excited about that. I actually start there tomorrow, so I'm super pumped about that. I'm staying with my brother and his girlfriend in Marietta, outside Atlanta. It's pretty chill. I'ma sleep on a sofa bed for three months, but it's cool. I get to hang out more with my brother and that's very fun. I'm almost all unpacked, so that's good. Chris and Becky are playing WOW, and watching Buffy. I'm not really interested in either thing, but the Buffy is distracting me because I'm trying to understand the storyline. I found a lesbian allegory (for Tara's demonage) and my brother yelled at me for looking "too deep" for things and being a "crusader." Buh.

Anyway, I'm not dead and I have an internship and my life is busy. There are a lot of things I should really go into detail about, but if you want to know, I guess, ask me? I'm always on AIM, and I have a twitter now, and whatever. I'm so apathetic right now. I think I might go to bed early, to get ready for my first big day of internship. Whoooooo internship.

4 comments|post comment

OTP Meme [01 Feb 2009|10:23pm]
Hey guys. Sorry about all the memes, but I'm trying to distract myself from all the work I should really be doing. And I'm gonna get on those song recommendations. I'll post 'em in a new entry so you don't have to scroll through back ones to get to comments. But for now, new meme!

Pick up to 15 OTPs.
Describe them in less than 15 words.
Have your flist guess the OTP.

1. i'm only funny when i'm around you / me too
2. i'm not gay, never kiss me again
3. you pound the squeezebox, i'll strum the guitar John/John, They Might Be Giants, my_snailshell
4. your dad is a character, but i love you anyway
5. skip to the end; i love you Tim/Daisy, Spaced, zeddish
6. someday i'll know how i made you love me, Fry/Leela, Futurama, zeddish
7. blue into green; super best friends
8. i wasn't talking about the comic Banky/Holden, Chasing Amy, pipry23
9. this is your girlfriend talking to you!
10. we've got to get to the bottom of this, partner Nicholas/Danny, Hot Fuzz, zeddish
11. just say it three times; i'll be there Beetlejuice/Lydia, Beetlejuice, zeddish
12. we'll fight them off together, even your brother (but not mine)
13. i'm too hard, and you're just a kid John McClane/Matt Farrell, Live Free or Die Hard, turkeyanne
14. dude
15. whyyyy are you such an idiot? / i'm not sure, but here it goes

Some of them (I think) are pretty easy, some are a little more obscure. Now it's time for y'all to guess them! Please give me something to do while I'm procrastinate. Take a wild guess. I love wild guesses.

Gotta go now, watching Airheads with Caitlin and Jackie in order to make everyone procrastinate. OMG GROUNDHOG'S DAY JUST STARTED. THAT IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES. OMG WE'RE WATCHING IT.
21 comments|post comment

Story and Song Meme! [25 Jan 2009|10:01pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I decided to MAKE UP MY OWN MEME. Take that, internet. Well, I'm sure it's been done before, but I didn't see it anywhere recently and I just had the idea because of an interesting thing that happened to me today:

I was at work where this crazy group Cirque de Masque was performing. In the beginning of the show, this mime/clown thingy grabs people and makes them dance onstage with it while this infectious song plays. Today was the last day, my co-worker Steve sang along to the song at one point. "What is this song?" I asked him. "It's pretty damn catchy." He looked at me like I was a complete idiot. "This is Mika, don't you know Mika?" I explained that I had only heard of him before, but never actually heard him. Pathetically, I looked him up once because a bunch of people said Edgar looked like him. So I went home and downloaded the song for free. I enjoyed it so much, I actually purchased the whole album from iTunes! This is incredibly rare for me! But I got an iTunes GC for X-mas so I figured, what the hell? Might as well, right? I've already listened to the song (Love Today, incidentally) like, four times since I downloaded it about twenty minutes ago.

The entire point of this story is that I am always late to the bandwagon, and I should listen to my friends when they mention currenty music things. You guys are all way cooler than me, so I'm sure you're all listening to awesome music that I might stumble upon by myself in like, a year or two. I think we should speed up that process so I can stop being late to the carnival. SO I'VE MADE A MUSIC MEME. THIS IS HOW IT WORKS:
In the comments, recommend a song for me. It doesn't have to be current, but it has to be a song that you think I haven't heard before (even if I'm aware of the band) and would enjoy. More than one song is fine, but don't go nuts because here's the catch: You must upload the song somehow. It doesn't matter if it's sendspace, megaupload, or if you simply email it to me. I am lazy and I won't go find it on my own. In turn for your time and thoughfulness, I will do the same for you! Hooray for the sharing of excellent musics!

So there it is! Feel free to copy it your own LJ, but don't feel obligated. I just would love to have some new music. Even though I've got like, 8 REM albums I'm wading through at the moment (side note: I fucking LOVE me some REM. Michael Stipe is my queero.) I am kinda OCD about collecting and labeling music. I'm always uploading old CDs of my dad's or downloading billboard top 100s because I feel there are some songs I need to just have, incase I am in some situation where I want to play a really obscure hip hop song I don't even like that much (coughThongSongcough). Now that I'm rambling, I should probably go work on some homework or do something mildly productive.

Gotta blast!

4 comments|post comment

Roommate (and bathroom) Issues... [21 Jan 2009|10:46pm]
[ mood | livid ]

I'm sorry, I need to vent quickly. So, the toilet in my apt was running last night, but eventually stopped. (By 'running', I mean not overflowing but making the annoying noise like it's not done flushing forever, and not flushing properly). My roommate decides to bitch about the noise. I would try to fix it, but the last time I tried that (albeit drunk) I broke the little stick with the floaty thing right off. I woke up this morning to it running again. Awesome. After jiggling various things gently, I decide there's nothing more I can do and I call the management to fix it. They say they'll send someone over.

I come home from work, toilet's still running. I turn the water off so at least it'll be quiet for awhile. But first, I take a pee, knowing full well it won't flush properly because it's been running all day. But I figure hey, a little pee water in the toilet never hurt anybody, right? So when I'm done I jiggle the handle and what not, getting at least some of the pee water to go down. There's still some TP floating in there. My brilliant roommate, seeing the TP still floating in there, knowing the toilet's been running all day, uses the toilet while I'm in my room (not there to fucking babysit her.)

She sticks her head in my room.
Her: Does the toilet take awhile to flush after you turn the water back on?
Me: ....It's broken. It's not going to flush all the way.
Her: It flushed for me this morning.
I shake my head at her, knowing it's not true because there was TP in it when I woke up this morning.
Me: It didn't flush for me all day. I jiggled it to get some of the pee water out. ...That's why there was TP in there.
Her: Oh.
We stare at each other, both knowing there's now a big poop in our toilet because she is a dumbass. Or at least, I now realize this. (The poop part, not that she's stupid. I've known that one for awhile now.)
Me: Sorry, I guess I should have made it more implicit. Toilet's broken.
Her: Well, I guess...don't use the toilet tomorrow morning.

Is this me being unreasonable? I feel like...wasn't it obvious the toilet was broken? We've had issues like this before...it's not like it's the first time she's encountered a running toilet. Our toilet is pretty awful. One time, (gross alert) she was like "Ren, the toilet water like, won't go down, and I tried plunging it and I don't know what to do." I walked in there, silently took the plunger from her, plunged for like, two thrusts and a big ol' poop floated up. I just stared at her and handed the plunger back, and she laughed awkwardly and thanked me. It's like...jesus. Learn to use a fucking plunger. She's always asking me to do shit like that. I'm not her goddamn boyfriend and I shouldn't have to put up with her extreme lack of common sense.

Le sigh. And to think that I want to renew my lease for ANOTHER year. At least I'd have the joy of watching her go off to class while I would have already graduated. Then I'd have time to clean up after her, at least. And enough money to buy a cover for my futon.

IN MUCH AWESOMER NEWS, HAPPY BERFDAY TO givethesignal! SHE'S THE COOOOOOLEST. I'MA MARRY YOU, BITCH. Sorry you had to share birthday wishes with the bathroom post, but I'm kinda livid. I should be going to sleep now (must wake up at 5:15 for 8am class) but I'm really pissed and need to blow off some steam. Sorry if I sound like a horrible person. This is one of my roommate's many indescretions.

3 comments|post comment

2009 [06 Jan 2009|11:59pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

So many things to discuss!

So yes, I saw TMBG on New Year's Eve, and I'll post a link to my Facebook when I put those pictures up. Matt and Trey are coming to my school LATER THIS MONTH and I'ma make sweet, sweet love to them with my eyeballs. I shouldn't be allowed to text people when I'm drunk. Things might be looking up for Ren in the boy department (for once), but let's not be too hasty. I'm going to Florida on Thursday, and I'm gonna ride the Spider-man ride in Universal so many goddamn times. My brother's girlfriend is driving me crazy. I have no idea whether or not I'm graduating early or not.

But that's just in the recent past/future. A whole new year is started, and I'm gonna do the obligitory recap/resolution post. Whatever that's getting me to post somewhat substantially, right? But I'ma cut this bitch for your viewing pleasure.

RecapCollapse )

All in all, the year's been quite a little rollercoaster, especially with the insane summer I had. I had three big milestones in the course of a few weeks (tattoo, sex, twenty-one) and spent a lot of 2008 trying to figure out what the fuck I want to do with myself and who my friends really are. I think I've changed a lot last year, and I'd like to change even more this year, my (possibly) last year of college. Not to be unrecognizable, of course, but to make myself better, and my life easier. Which brings me to the next section of this epic entry:

Resolutions!Collapse )

Damn, that last one ran away from me for a little bit. Sometimes I just make myself so angry, though, for being such a lazy little shit. Plus I NEED TO WRITE IN LJ MORE. I love doing it, and I love being able to go back and read entries about I was like omg, so in love with so-and-so, and how IMPORTANT it was to me, and continue to abuse parenthesis (until they just become absolutely meaningless). I just wanna be a better person, you know, starting with the little things to make myself happier, so i have to spend less money on the pizza and alcohol I turn to in order to cheer myself up most of the time.

And I resolve to be BETTER FRIENDS to you guys. I love you guys! I am really bad with letters and emails and stuff because I'm so lazy (and hopefully that's gonna change!) but I do appreciate all of your friendships. And I hope you guys don't think that I'm not interested or still caring about you, because I'm sure I am, even though that's probably more of a case-by-case basis thing. But you know, even though y'all may not get birthday/christmas presents until months later (i'm looking at you, turkeyanne), it's not because I don't heart you.

So that's my epic 2009 entry! Let they be as frequent and maybe less long in the year to come! HUZZAH!

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS <3 [24 Dec 2008|12:17pm]
Catherine O'Hara's monologue in Home Alone 2 makes me get all teary sometimes.

I'm so behind on reading my F list on account of losing my power cord on a train. And my brother just got home. And it's chriiiiiistmas I love christmas so much christmas christmas christmas.

I'm crocheting away, but I can tell it's gonna take forever. I had a bitch ton of requests! But I love requests, because I LOVE PLAYING WITH YARN Y'ALL.

Anyways, have an amazing Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Yuletide/Holiday typed thing! As long as there's family and food and maybe some presents, I'm a happy camper.
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*Yeah, he wasn't doing "his voice". [21 Dec 2008|06:13pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I'm in PA, again, thank god.

Last night I dreamt that I was dating Gilbert Gottfried. When I woke up, I was actually kind of bummed. He made an excellent dream boyfriend*. Even better than the time I dreamt I was married to Rob Schnieder.

I don't know what to do with myself.

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It's that time of year again.... [22 Nov 2008|07:16pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Ladies and gents (and all those in between), it's the time of the year where I tell you I'ma make things out of yarn for you! Sign up now, and you might recieve them! By April! At the latest! Hopefully!

We all know how awful I am at sending things to people, but I'm going to try to be better this year. So if you want things made of yarn, let me know! It excites me to make them. If I've already made you something, who cares? If you want something ELSE, or a the same thing of a different color, let me know! This is a free for all, people! YARNY THINGS MUST GOOOO!!!

Under the cut are things I can make, and things I still owe to people!
Give me something to do during break!Collapse )

So yeah. Lemme know if you want something. As for life updates, in bad news, The Rebel was all "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS" right after all the other shit he said. I'm kinda miffed at him for the moment, simply because this was FOUR DAYS after my last entry. FOUR DAYS. Things don't change that drastically in four days...he should have just been honest without getting my hopes up. but whatever, I'm cool. As for the Princess, she's dating a professional yo-yo-ist who goes to my school. I've met him, and he's a really nice kid. It makes me feel shitty, but if I had to lose, at least I lose to a professional goddamn yo-yo-ist. The better man won on that one.

In better news: There's this other guy that I'm kinda digging right now. I don't know what to name him yet. He reminds me a lot of this kid Brucker that i went to high school with. Brucker was a hunter, a conservative republican, wry and sarcastic, and really fucking hot. We weren't completely compatible, but I was nuts about him and we got along really well. I don't know this new kid as much as I knew Brucker (not even close, really, brucker and i were pretty good friends), but I'm like, really oddly and compulsively attracted to him. I decided I'm going back to my high school (or was it middle school?) routine of trying, either succeeding or failing, and then MOVING THE FUCK ON. If The Rebel taught me anything, it was that you CAN'T FAWN OVER DUDES OR LADIES FOR-FUCKING-EVER. I've wasted a lot of time and it makes me want to hit things. I'm young, interesting, funny, and intelligent. If some people don't want that, fine. I'm not gonna be young forver and i'm tired of wasting my time with shit. Huzzah.


Sadly, I'm pretty sick right now, but hopefully tomorow will magically make me better because it's MC CHRIS, DID I MENTION THAT BECAUSE I'M GONNA HAVE HIS BABIES I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH AUUUGHGHGHGH!!!! *explodes*

5 comments|post comment

SO MUCH SCHOOL [05 Nov 2008|10:39pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Man, I have so many projects for class and stuff that it's not even funny. I really do not have the time to be making this entry, but it will be brief and informative.

I had a "discussion" with the Rebel* today. I was talking ABOUT him to my friend Matty, then literally three seconds later I ran *into* him. (Oh God...I hope he wasn't close enough to hear us!) Anyway, I felt like it was a divine intervention for me to grow some balls and ask what the fuck is up with us. So I did. Basically, these are the main points made in the discussion:
- I like him a lot, and i think there's something between us
- He feels *something* when he's around me, but he's not sure what it means yet
- He thinks we should spend more time together (I agreed wholeheartedly)
- I don't care about The Rule (loooong story) affecting me, I care about it affecting him. He cares about it affecting me because he "cares about [me] more than a lot of things".
- He stuck up for me to a third party that was upsetting me. He said if "someone hurt [me, he'd] feel the need for vengence."
- He said he wanted me to be happy no matter what, and basically didn't want me to wait for him if someone else were to declare their undying love for me (unnlliiiiiikkely, amirite?)
- We discussed him coming over and watching Iron Man with me (which he promised to do before when I was bummed about not getting into LA)
- We agreed to ACTUALLY call each other. Or at least text each other more often. We have tentative plans to get together next week.

After the discussion, we had a super long hug and then did the end-of-hug-sorta-hold-hands-for-a-second thing. I am a dork, but I was all giggly when I walked home.

All in all, a fairly good night, for what started off as a not-so-hot day. I have a shit ton of work to do before 10am tomorrow morning, so I better get started on it.

Ooh, on a side note: Princess and I were discussing TV production, and she offered to let me shadow her in the TV studio on Friday so I could learn more about how a studio runs without pressure on me directly. ...So there's that. I also (randomly!) got the number of a boy who plays the accordion on the corner of my block a week...two weeks ago? Not sure. I should call him, because I would at least like to hang out and talk about accordiony things. Plus I bet he thinks I won't call him (i only have his number, he doesn't have mine) and I want to surprise people.

Oh yeah....YAY Obama, but FUCK PROP 8 Y'ALL.

* I will totally admit I stole cute-nicknames-for-crushes from my beloved Molly. It's useful and non-incriminating! ...Even though I've mentioned the Rebel by name before. He recently got the Fbook and I don't want him to somehow figure out this is me or something. I don't know. Safety first, right?

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i don't even wanna.... [02 Nov 2008|12:09am]
[ mood | shitty ]

There are so many things I'm angry about right now, and I know if I go into detail and list them I'll just be even angrier and all teary, so I'm just. not. going. to. So I guess I'll talk about some other stuff that's on my mind (where there is way too much shit right now, btw).

I really wanna do NaNo, but my whole weekend just blew up in my face (not talking about it, not talking about the WORST HALLOWEEN EVER) and I wasn't prepared at all. I mean, I don't prepare as much as most people (and I don't finish like those people do) but I didn't prepare AT ALL. I'd still really like to write it, but I've got two half-hour screenplays to write before Thanksgiving. So I'm just not sure it's going to get done. But I hope the NaNo spirit around me will inspire me to just start writing things on my own, not for class, so that I can feel validated again. Lots of the things I'm not talking about have got me feeling really shitty and worthless, so I feel like I need to remind myself that I'm pretty great. Because I just don't know why to bother if I don't think I'm pretty great, ya know? (Not saying it has to be true or anything, just that I need to think so.)

My room is freezing. I miss my brother so so much that it actually hurts. I am always hungry or sick to my stomach.

I got to see Robert Wuhl do "Assume the Position" at my work! It was awesome because I TOTALLY LOVE Robert Wuhl, and he is so, so funny. I'd seen it on HBO a couple times, and I loved him on Arli$$, so I was excited. I actually saw him walk by me on the street after the show, so I shook his hand and told him I really appreciated the show, and him coming to Boston and all. He seemed kinda surprised that I wanted to talk to him. It was really quick 'cause he was walking with his wife and his posse, and I didn't want to bother him too much.

I can't do this. I wanted to just write a bit, chill, try to get into a better mood but I just can't. I hate being whiny, but let me give you a list of the things that are currently really upsetting me (in no particular order), just for reference:
- The Girlie Project
- my roommate
- every aspect of my job
- class registration
- the Emerson LA program
- Iron Man
- Entertainment Weekly
- my apartment
- Halloween
- money
- Boston

I know you're probably thinking, "Wait Ren...are you sure this isn't a list of things making you HAPPY?" because these are normally the types of things (ie Girlies, my job, Halloween) that make me the absolute happiest, but everything is just falling in the shitter lately. And I know, I know I have parents who love me, and a roof over my head, food, and enough money for things that I don't always need. I'm not saying I'm not fortunate, because I know I am, but I guess...everyone's allowed to feel shitty for awhile, right?

I was supposed to be on this new birth control that was going to lessen my PMS so I wasn't an emotional hurricane come that time. Last month, it worked perfectly. This month, with my computer being broken (it's fixed now, thank god) and all this other drama and bullshit and work and emotional damage, I'm not sure if it's not working, or if it's like using a cocktail umbrella in a torrential downpour...did that shit know what it was up against?

I kind of want to go play video games. I want to go to the Boston ComicCon tomorrow, but I don't know who'll go with me. I might even go by myself, just to see Peter Laird (NINJA TURTLES CREATOR FUCK YEH).

This is probably the worst entry ever.

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More of the same... [15 Oct 2008|11:21pm]
[ mood | OMG PHILLIES!!! ]

Isn't it disgusting how I start practically every entry with "OMG I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME TO SAY IT NOW."

...It's true again. I really need to sleep though, because it's 11:30 and I need to be up by about 6 tomorrow so I can get to Emerson crazy early and slave away in the TV studio for class. I'm scared because I think we don't have a lot of things done that we need to have done. And I'm just lowly producer, so it's not like everything will be blamed on me, or anything. Bluh.

ANYWAY, THE PHILLIES ARE KICKING THE PANTS OFF THE DODGERS GO PHILS. I really wanted a Sox-Phils world series, but it actually looks like the Sox won't be fulfilling that part of the bargain, which wouldn't have been my guess. So, if the Phillies can hold on to the lead in the last inning, we'll be IN THE WORLD SERIES BABY.

I can't believe I haven't spoken about anything going on in my life in so long. But I'm crazy tired and can't go into much detail now. This really is pathetic, and I'm sure most of you are tired of my lame posts, but hopefully you'll um, know I'm not dead? These are good for that.

1. I still haven't talked about John. I really want to do that. I had to write a poem about it as an in-class exercise in my Lit class, and I had to leave the room to go to the bathroom so I wouldn't cry in class. I still miss him a lot, and I really want to write more about it so I don't forget anything I loved about him.
2. Speaking of remembering John, I GOT A TATTOO. It is the Rebel Alliance symbol, it is on teh back of my calf, and it's peeling like a bitch. I wanna post pictures but it's peeling and it's all disgusting right now. But i'll see what I can do eventually, y'all. It's pretty fucking sweet. My parents weren't too upset, especially since I showed my dad when he was drunk. I figured that to be a good idea.
3. I TURNED TWENTY ONE. I went out with the guys from work for a few drinks which was fun, and on my actual birthday Caitlin and Jackie came over to watch Iron Man, which was awesome. I think they are two of my new favorite people.
4. I finally got a new camera. It's a Sony Cybershot (which was the old model I had) except it's 10 fudging mega-pixels. Pretty schweet.
5. This weekend the gang all re-united for a lovely barn party. There are some sweet pictures on facebook. We reminisced about how we missed the barn party days of yore, which used to have like, at least 20 people at any given party. Now we're lucky if like, seven people show up. Either way, it was great to finally see Tara again, and Joe as usual, and the Britt and Banana who I adore.
6. I am romantically interested in two people at the moment, one new and one old (in terms of my being interested in them, and also age now that I think about it) who, for searchability reasons, I will refer to as "the Rebel" and "Princess". One's a dude and one's a lady, if their secret code names didn't give it away. I tried to ask out Princess today, but awkward class timings made me leave about an hour earlier than she must have. I waited outside the building smoking for awhile, but decided I didn't want to be a creepster. Hopefully I'll have the balls to do it next week. As for the Rebel, well I'll hopefully see him Friday, and I still have no idea whether or not he likes me. I'm thinking lots of alochol might reveal this.
7. I'm busy as fuck lately with school work. With TV production projects once a week (FOUR HOUR CLASS D:), papers for my Lit and Media Crit classes, Girlie project sketches I should be writing, Girlie meetings I should be attending more of, and a late night show I volunteered to help my friend write (for his Kevin Bright class), I barely have time to eat, sleep, and keep my room clean. Much less read some books I bought over break to sink my teeth into. Or the amazing comic books Joe got me for my birthday (SUPERMAN IS A COMMIE? ME LIKES.) I'm so behind on Peggster news and seeing How to Lose Friends and all sorts of stuff. However, I did buy IRON MAN and RUN FATBOY RUN the day before my birthday. So I think that counts. Also I've got to buy the Chaplin special edition DVD. I AM TOTES RUNNING OUT OF MONEYS YOU GUYS. I really need to start working again! Luckily I'll be working fairly steadily from this weekend on.


I love Boston and all, but I'll always be a Philly girl through and through. I'm going out for a celebratory cigarette. It won't be the same as being outside teh LB, but it's not bad.


3 comments|post comment

[28 Sep 2008|01:14pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Damn, I love being a turtle.

9 comments|post comment

[16 Sep 2008|12:29pm]
[ mood | weird ]

So hey.

I'm moved into school now. I have my own apartment, and it is pretty fucking badass. Except I need to learn how to cook a little bit, so I can eat something besides cereal and spaghettios (i'm in no rush, as i fucking LOVE cereal and spaghettios!) I'll post pictures when all my posters and junk are up. I do already have a sexy Edgar/Simon/Nick/Jess wall, and a sexy RDJ/Iron Man wall, but that's it. ...Because we all know how good I am at posting things when I said I'm gonna post 'em (seriously, you'd think I'd WANT to remember the day that I HUGGED EDGAR in every available detail, but so much time as gone by that a recap wouldn't really even be honest anymore). I use too many parantheses.

I have sunburn on my chest from the sox game still. Yes, I've been to Fenway Park! And beacuse my digital camera is complete shit, the battery died immediately! So I had to use an instimatic camera!

I'm really pissed at the quality of my digital camera. I can't wait to afford a new one. Thank god for berfday money. Although I'm sure, any birthday money I get will be spent on Iron Man and alcohol. And getting really drunk and watching Iron Man. A lot. Somebody posted some screenshots and I got all excited to see it again. Hooray for Iron Man! *does a jig* Sadly there's no commentary :( RDJ does THE BEST commentaries. They are re-releasing a lot of his older movies on DVD, so I'm pretty excited about getting to pick up the ones I don't already have soon.

I am getting so lame, lately. I opened this entry feeling like I should update, feeling like I should have a million things to say, but I don't. I'm getting so boring and lazy.

I'll try to update again when I'm not so moody. Stupid fucking girl hormones.

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